Originally published on 6th February 2018 Last updated on 8th April 2024
What is it like living with a hypothyroid partner?
My husband of almost six years and partner of almost 15 years wrote this blog after a particularly hard day of trying to support me through my physical and mental health struggles. It’s honest and raw.
I hope not only fellow thyroid warriors but also their other halves and friends and family will find this insightful.
It captures the trickier times in my health journey and how that impacted us.
Written by Adam Gask, together since we were sixteen.
What is it like living with a hypothyroid partner? 
Hard. There is no clearer way to say it. There are bad days, good days and golden days. It’s a struggle mentally, physically and emotionally, for both you and for them.
On the bad days, you need to keep going. Just keep on swimming.
Make sure you remember that no matter how tired you are, how mentally drained you feel, it is probably nothing compared to how they feel. Nothing. Not even close. Forget it. I see the pain she is in.
On those days, you need to step up, carry the extra weight or burdens in order to make things a little easier. Because they need you. They want you to be there for them.
On the bad days, it can hit you like a tonne of bricks out of nowhere, and over time you build up a tolerance to the bad days, to take more in your stride and know how to handle them. To have a cool head and be the mast in the storm you’re both going through. It can happen last thing at night, during the night or first thing in the morning. It can be the smallest or it can be the biggest of things. You get better over time at judging what makes things worse or simply doesn’t help, but you’ll never get it 100% right. Know that and work with that. You just learn to try. We’re both figuring this out.
As time goes on, I’ve come to know that on the bad days, you can be both the hero and villain all at once. To be the hero they need to make sure they can keep putting one step in front of the other, the villain to make sure they get to bed on time and take those supplements or do the routines they hate but need to do to address their thyroid health.
You come to treasure the things that make them feel better. Being the one to make them that breakfast which makes them feel better first thing, or to help them have those few more spoons. To make sure they do take the car and not walk, even though they really want to, because you want to make sure they can get through work to the end of the day. To be the one who brings that spark back in them, that you both remember.
You try so hard to do the little things to help; to do things around the house. To try and make their lives that little bit easier.
That foot massage they need to be able to sleep through the muscle pain. That hot bath with the bubbles, just right – not too hot though. Do the things you said you’d do. Pick up your socks. Do the washing up. Make that extra trip to the shop when they’re feeling low. Get the best ice cream. Do the things only you know to make sure they get everything they need to feel better and come out of the hard days with thyroid disease.
Because when she does feel better, those are our Golden days. The days where everything feels mostly normal. The days where you can be the ages you really are. To be with the one you fell in love with all day instead of in glimpses. Those days don’t happen all that often right now, as we figure her health out.
They require the stars to align just right. Sometimes you can get close, and those are the good days. We still have days where we might be able to do all the things we wanted to do. To be silly. To laugh together. To cuddle and watch that next episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. To have Netflix ask “Are you still watching?”. These are the golden days that make it all worth it. And it is all worth it.
I love you Rachel. Forever and Always x
Feel free to share your own experience of how hypothyroidism has affected your relationship, in the comments below.
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This excerpt is from the book You, Me and Hypothyroidism: When Someone You Love Has Hypothyroidism. A book for those who know someone with hypothyroidism, such as a spouse or partner. It contains information on living with a hypothyroid person, managing their home life, fertility, energy levels, employment, as well as many other topics.
I have also covered how it may impact dating, here.
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We often forget to recognise that strain that chronic illnesses can put on a relationship and I dread to think of how many relationships and marriages have broke down due to hypothyroidism.
I have a whole chapter that talks to the friend or family member of someone with hypothyroidism, in my book, Be Your Own Thyroid Advocate: When You’re Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired.
Remember that professional help is also out there and as well as face to face services, online mental health support is becoming increasingly popular and convenient, for both thyroid patients and their family/other halves.
You can click on the hyperlinks in the above post to learn more and see references to information given.
THe following links HAve BEEN SPONSORED BY BetterHelp and ReGAIN.US.
See Better Help for more info on counselling for yourself: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/get-free-online-therapy-should-you-use-free-counseling/
and Regain.us for marriage counselling: https://www.regain.us/advice/marriage/confidentiality-should-i-seek-marriage-counseling-near-me/
If you would like to submit a guest post, whether you’re a thyroid patient, doctor or anyone else, please get in contact.
